Coaching is a powerful profession. If you played sports or had a great coach, you know that they were responsible in some way for how you behave in your life today. If you have ever had a great coach in your life, you know that you are a different person because you had the pleasure of being in their lives.
I have had lots of coaches in my life. Some I absolutely loved and some to this day I realize just weren't good at it. Like my little league coach when I was 11 years old. After losing our championship game he sat us against the fence and called me out because I pitched a high fast ball instead of keeping it low. I'm 56 years old and I still think of that day. My father was so embarrassed because I stood up and told the coach to go fuck himself. I was angry and hurt and now I felt even worse. I ran into that coach when I was a little older. He apologized for what he had done. Unfortunately, I was too immature at the time to understand how hard it probably was for that guy to admit his mistake. I'm sure he walked away wishing he never apologized to me. It took me many years before I understood what an asshole I could be.
Due to my Alcohol and drug addictions, I stopped playing sports. I didn't have any real coaches in my life for quite some time. I had some teachers that tried to get through, I just wasn't ready to listen.
A manager at a restaurant I worked at tried on more than one occasion to coach me towards a better way of life. He really was a genuinely good human. He is one of the reasons I surrendered. The seeds he planted and the downright telling me kid you need help was just what I needed. He didn't think I was going to split and go home. He thought I would get my shit together and help him run the restaurant. The one thing about most addicts, we are hard workers with good hearts. The booze and drugs just get in the way. Once we decide to get sober our lives become beyond our wildest dreams. I know it sounds corny, but it is true. As long as we continue to stay away from alcohol and drugs life just continues to get better.
This is when I started to get my first real Coaching. The men and women that helped me the most where just plain old garden variety alcoholics hoping to better themselves, stay sober, and help others stay sober. We were constantly told in order to keep it you have to give it away. My coaches weren't called coaches. They were called sponsors. I have had quite a few sponsors in my life. All of the ones I had for the first 20 years of my sobriety are gone now. They have all passed away. Each and every one of them died sober. That's not something that happens very often. I was lucky, God did for me what I was not capable of doing for myself. My creator has always watched over me. Something that I believe in heart and soul. Funny how when you are in the thick of things the right people always tend to come into your life. One of my favorite coaches always told me. "Kid there are no coincidences."
As my life moved on, I came to believe this to be true. I guess it is only in reflection that you can see how some things worked in your life. I'm glad that I had coaches, mentors, and sponsors to point these things out.
So, what makes a great coach?
Number one "Great Coaches" know how to help people change.
I have had to do a lot of changing over the years. I did none of it on my own. I have had help along my entire journey. I am a long way from that 11-year-old that told his coach to fuck off. Unfortunately, he wasn't the last person I spoke to like that. I honestly cannot promise that I will never speak to someone like that again. The difference is today I apologize. I do the best I can on a daily basis to right my wrongs. It doesn't matter what someone else has done. Like my old coaches would tell me, "Kid it is your side of the street that needs to remain clean. It doesn't matter what others do."
I needed to have a coach for running. I needed to have a coach for lifting. I needed to have other coaches and or mentors just to learn how to live life on life's terms. They all in their own ways helped me to change. Not only physically but mentally and spiritually. I have become a different person because of every one of their influences. Sometimes I needed to hear the message a hundred times. Sometimes you could tell me something or make me aware of something and I would just get it. Honestly most of the time I need to be beaten and bludgeoned into submission... LOL...
"Great Coaches" coach the whole person.
When I hired my first coach to help me lose weight. We didn't just talk about eating and weight loss. We had fairly lengthy discussions about life. She knew that I wasn't in a good spot. She knew that I needed help. She knew that there was a lot more to my weight gain than just my overeating. We discussed habits good and bad. We discussed moderation. Something I have struggled with my entire life. God knows I go overboard with just about everything I do. We discussed my obsessive behaviors. We talked about my anger and how to better deal with it. We discussed sleep and rest.
She was coaching a real human. She knew that I needed to learn more than just how to eat better. Let's face it. We all know how to eat well. Why don't we?
My sober coaches were not any different. We didn't just discuss staying away from alcohol. Honestly the men that helped me in the early days are the foundation for who I am today. They are the reason I am able to look at myself. They are the reason that I am able to push on. They are the reason I was able to handle whatever life dealt me. Between the death of my parents and the loss of a marriage. These men are the saviors of my soul. They did it freely. No strings attached. They simply loved and guided to me be a better human. Of course, in the process they became better humans. What they got out of helping others is tenfold compared to what they gave.
I have seen that in my own life recently. The more you give the more you receive. That's not why giving is so great. Just like diet and exercise has the side effect of looking better naked. Giving has the side effect of getting more in return. I can't tell you why this is. All I know is that's how it works in my life and many others. Just like I trust the light to go on when I flip the switch. I know that I will always be happiest when I'm helping others.
"Great Coaches Know and Guide Themselves"
The greatest coaches I have had. Walked the talk. They did everything themselves that they told me to do. They lived it. Whether that was being sober, loving, kind and grateful. Or if it was just keeping things simple on a daily basis.
Looking back, I have always had the right coach at just the right time. If I had hired a running coach a year before or even a day before I was ready to listen it would not have worked. If I hired a strength coach that didn't work out. It definitely would not have lasted. They lived everything we discussed and taught me. I have had the pleasure of learning from the best in life. They aren't award winning or super well known. But they are a part of the most important thing in this life. Life itself. They all had a zest for living. A contagious enthusiasm that you simply could not, not be swepped up by. They are or were infectious individuals. They knew their own limitations. So, when I needed help with something they didn't have knowledge about. They either found someone that could help me, or they simply said, "I don't Know". I will always appreciate the person that says, "I don't know."
They had ethics and professionalism. They stayed in their lane. In my nutrition Course they are constantly reminding us to stay within our scope of practice. As Nutrition coaches we are not registered dietitians. We cannot diagnose or help people with medical conditions. We must remain in our lane. The same goes with being a certified personal trainer. We are not doctors, chiropractors, or physical therapists. We must always stay within our scope of practice and if necessary, refer people to the proper people for whatever ails them. That doesn't mean we cannot help. We can certainly help along with Dr's and Therapists guidance. I'm actually working with a Dr now to help one of my younger clients. He has a pretty serious issue with his hip complex. Honestly not something that I would be able to help with if not for the guidance of Dr Frank. That is the beautiful thing about being ethical and professional. You can leave your ego behind and ask the right people for help so that you may help someone else.
"A Great Coach is a Client-Centered Coach
This means they Know, understand, and respect peoples' priorities, values, and goals.
They build strong relationships and rapport.
They remember that they are dealing with people. Not numbers. conditions, labels, or personality traits. It's not my 3:30 it is Kerri. It's not the guy with the bad back it is John. Etc...
They are attune to peoples' thoughts, feelings, and potential suffering or challenges.
They do lots of listening, learning, observing, and careful analysis.
They make decisions based on reality, rather than on what should happen.
They collaborate with people, rather than telling them what to do.
These are all the things I strive for. Being a coach has been a blessing. Being able to guide and help people lift themselves from the depths of despair and hopelessness really is something that needs to be experienced. I really don't think you can truly teach or explain the satisfaction that comes from helping others. Knowing that you have made a profound difference in their lives. They possibly will be better, kinder, more patient and productive people because your paths crossed.
I can only hope that if you are reading this and you know that you need help that you take the first step towards the first day of your new life and reach out.
This is a brief overview of the training app I use. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to reach out.
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